Drunk on a Tuesday?

Who gets drunk on a Tuesday?

Apparently I do.

It was a day where I met up with my good friend E after work.  We decided to go for beer and wings, because that’s a good thing to do after work.  A plate of wings and a couple beers each later, we decide we’re ready for dinner, but they don’t serve real food at this pub, so we go to a different pub that does.  After dinner, a couple more beers each, and some of our favorite songs from the late 90’s playing on the radio, we decide we need to get dessert.  In fact, we need to go around the corner to a hotel that INVENTED the boston cream pie, literally.  There, in the hotel bar, we ordered the bcp, but of course we need to sample from their fantastic (and reasonably priced) martini menu.

After all of this, E and I realized that we had just gone bar hopping and gotten rip-roarin’ drunk on a Tuesday night.  Whoops.  I think it was worth it though, especially because of that great feeling you have when you think you’re the funniest, wittiest person in the room, even though the sober people are staring at you kind of funny.

Now I have a headache at work….but I think it was worth it.

Checking in…

Hello loyal readers,

I don’t have much today, but I want to check in and say hello because I have left these pages blank for entirely too long.  As a fellow editor of Lusciousity says (quoting from a drama professor of ours), “if you get writer’s block, lower your standards.”  Well folks, let’s see how low these standards can get, because I’m going to do my best to keep this thing going more regularly.

By the way, am I lame because I’m excited about the pets expansion pack that’s coming out for the Sims 2?  The answer is probably yes…but who cares, you get to have guinea pigs in this one!

For all of you who love coffee as much or more than I do, you’ll enjoy this story in the New York Times today.  Apparently there are actual health benefits to drinking coffee due to all those antioxidants.  I honestly don’t know exactly what an antioxidant is other than the fact that it’s good (is it affective at warding off those dangerous oxygen molecules?), but this makes a good argument for drinking coffee for your caffeine instead of coke.  Of course, the caffeine does nothing to help your health and may even contribute to high blood pressure, etc, but at least you won’t get type 2 diabetes.

That’s all.

The power of the leather chair

I don’t know if it’s a male thing or a comfort thing, but there’s something about a leather chair that I just love.  The leather gives way and cradles you as you sit, but it’s firm enough not to drop you too far.  Not to mention it makes that satisfying noise as you shift around.  It doesn’t take it quietly like a chintz or microfiber chair would, it lets you know that it’s adjusting too, not just you.

That is why I was thrilled a couple weeks ago when I got an email at work offering up the office chair of a recently retired colleague.  I am lucky enough at my job to have an actual office, not just a cubical.  It isn’t much – I affectionately refer to it as my cubby - but it’s cozy and has a window that shows mostly grass and trees.  The only problem was that my chair sucked.  It looked good on paper, and it even looked fine as standard desk chairs go, but no matter how much I adjusted this or that, no matter how often I shifted, I was never really comfortable.

And then the email.

As soon as it arrived in my inbox I jumped at the opportunity.  Honestly, at the time, I didn’t know it was leather.  I didn’t really know anything about it, but I knew it was better than the crap I had (so, I suppose I wasn’t actually thrilled by the email because of a leather chair, like I said before, I was just thrilled to get anything other than my crappy chair).  I went down to look at it and was pleased to find a nice, leather, executive chair.  However, I was surprised to find that it appeared to have been made around 1985.  If I had a wig and some gold cuff links I could convincingly pass as Donald Trump in this thing.  But then I sat, and all my worries of appearance went away.  Anyway, I figure that if Urban Outfitters sold executive furniture, it could very well look like this.

The next challenge was getting it to my office.  The chair was on the 1st floor.  My office is on the 3rd.  There is no elevator in my building (it’s a rather old building.  Officially it’s historic.).

I had to pick my timing carefully to avoid going up the one stairwell at the same time a group of people, people more important that me, were coming down from a meeting.  I went with 3:37, and it worked like a charm.  Other than getting a reminder that I should go to the gym more often, I had no trouble lugging this ungainly yet luxurious seat up to my office.

I think it might have been my best move since I started in this position.  You’d be surprised how often people come by and compliment me on how good I look in this chair.  I’ll admit it, the leather makes me feel manly, and I like it.

I just thought you’d all like to know that.

Bettering myself through distraction

My instinct here is to talk about how f#@%ing hot it is right now, and how much f$*~ing hotter it’s going to be f%!@ing tomorrow.

But I’m not going to do that. You know why? Because I can do better than that. I can be better than that. I don’t need to spend my time complaining about something that I have no control over, and I certainly don’t need to spend your time complaining about it. Today, I am going to better myself by avoiding these complaints (even though I’ve kind of spent this whole time complaining so far…but that’s really been more of a discussion of complaining, right? The meta makes it okay, right?).

But as I struggle to see through the sweat that just made it past my eyebrow and into my eye, how do I not think of the heat? How do I not resort to my natural instinct, complaint? So far my solution is distraction. Below I have written my 5 step program to distract yourself into thinking you’re comfortably cool. Please read it, learn it, live it, and tell me if it works.

Step number 1: Play music. Granted I started by listening to “Too Darn Hot,” but I quickly moved to a nice soothing piano concerto from Brahms. Maybe next I’ll move further back in time and listen to “Water Music.” Nice, cool, refreshing “Water Music.”

Step number 2: Spend some time writing in your blog. Pretty soon you’ll convince the world that you’re cool and breezy. Even if you don’t, you’ve at least spent a few minutes focusing on the heat coming from the monitor instead of the heat coming from the windows. It’s good to switch things up.

Step number 3: Watch TV. While watching, arrange the remotes carefully to minimize movement.  My personal choice for viewing tonight, which I will begin shortly, is disc 2 of the first season of Weeds. My only complaint about this series so far is that the first season has only 10 half-hour episodes.

Step number 4: Drink. If you’re drunk enough, you’ll think you’re just enjoying an evening on a warm beach. If you aren’t experiencing that yet, take another sip. Repeat as necessary.

Step number 5: Admit that distraction doesn’t always work, and you need to do something to actually cool down. Open windows.  Turn on fans.  Take off as many clothes as you can without scaring the roommates (for you married readers, this works especially well, but please heed the song mentioned in step number 1). Make sure whatever beverage you choose for step number 4 is as cold as you can make it. And finally, when you just can’t stand it, take a cold shower, and before you get out, turn it even colder. That’ll make the next few minutes pretty nice.

I feel better about myself already. Don’t you?

The world according to me.

Well, I have been absent from this page for far too long.  But, the upside of that is I have plenty to write about.

Let’s see, first off, in regards to my grand statement of counting the days that the waiter twins didn’t call.  Well, it’s been over a week, and (drumrolll please)………………………………yeah, they didn’t call.  They both have officially made the biggest mistake of their lives.

In other new, I had a lovely time last weekend.  I went up to Maine to visit a friend (nickname forthcoming) with his family.  He’s dogsitting for some people on 20 acres of land with two lighthouses on a river.  It was great.  Just being out in the wilderness was something I haven’t done in a long time, and something that was sorely needed.

Also, there was lobster, and there was fruit salad, and there was french toast (not all at the same time).  Brilliant foods, all of them.

The summer heat has led me to the movie theatre much more often than usual.  Last week I saw The Devil Wears Prada, and this week I checked out Superman Returns.  TDWP surprised me.  It’s a movie that could easily be a crappy, lightweight summer flick, but they got such good actors that it turned into a good lightweight summer flick.  I was especially impressed (as everyone is) how Meryl Streep manages not only to play her character well, but also brings sympathy to such an unlikeable person.

I enjoyed Superman Returns.  It didn’t quite have the extra punch to make it a great movie, but it was enjoyable all the same.  I rewatched the original Superman last night, which I hadn’t seen since I was about 8, and realized what different films they were.  The original one really played up the comedy, and (as Goldie said) it fit into the old style of superhero movies, which is to make a live-action cartoon.  The new ones, especially when under the direction of Bryan Singer, try to create realism both in the special effects and in the characters themselves, even if their world isn’t realistic.  They’re both good, just different.

One thing about the new movie: it’s supposed to take place 5 years or so after one of the previous movies, yet the actors playing Superman and Lois (especially Lois) could generously be described as looking the same age, but really look much younger than their counterparts in the previous movies.  Why?  I’ve heard that 40 is the new 30, but is 25 the new 35?

Sweat? No sweat.

Here in sunny Boston yesterday it topped 90 degrees.  The humidity was high enough that waving a Brita filter through the air provided you with a full pitcher of water.  Now, I’m a Tennessee boy, so a humid summer day above 90 degrees is nothing.  In fact, I’d be shocked if it took until mid-July down there to have a day that hot; I like those days in Tennessee.  But, there is one key difference: air conditioning.  I like the hot, soft air down south, but largely because I can escape it at any time.  Walk into any building and you’re confronted with a wall of controlled environment that doesn’t exceed 72 degrees.  Even when you step into a sweltering car, you know that a few miles down the road you’ll safely be removed from the elements, even if your eyes are a bit dry from the high-speed fans.

Last summer I discovered a big difference between Boston and Nashville.  Boston spends a fair amount of time in the 85-95 degree range, not as much as Nashville, but still enough to warrant a healthy diet of popsicles.  While Nashville recognizes this and refrigerates every home, Bostonians are still in denial.  They think, “eh, it’s New England, we don’t need air conditioning.”  Well, their wrong.

This year, I’ve come to terms with this unfortunate outlook.  While I still think Boston is wrong when it thinks no a/c is A-OK, I’m not fighting it anymore.  When the blanket of sweat descends, I’m ready with Nalgenes full of water, towels to mop my head, copious cold showers, and about 5 t-shirts to change into throughout the day.  The most important aspect is the mindset: sweat is okay.  If I have to dab my forehead, that’s fine.  If my once single-colored red shirt is taking on blotchy shades of maroon, no problem, because you know what?  You’re having exactly the same problem, and after all, it’s just sweat.  I don’t mind doing a few extra loads of laundry this month.

And for the update everyone’s been waiting for.  We have seen the passing of days 2 and 3.  We’re now halfway through day 4.  Neither of the cute waiter twins have called me.  My only explanation at this point is that their hands were so sweaty that they slipped off the numbers whenever they tried to dial my number.  Well, they have just 3.5 more days before they miss the chance of a lifetime.  Stay tuned…

Double Vision?

Last night I had the pleasure of going out to dinner with one of my roommates, S (I’ll think of a clever nickname for her soon). We went just around the corner to Vinnie T’s, the restaurant with the philosophy that all meals are better if you double the portion size and triple the oil (not to mention serve pitchers of sangria the size of a pitcher of Coke at a pizza parlor). I do love this restaurant, though. I’ve had many wonderful meals there with one of my former roommates, L (again, nickname forthcoming).

Anyway, I went there with S (Goldie? Maybe I’ll call her Goldie), and since it was a nice night, we decided to eat on the patio. As we walked out the door toward our table, we passed a really cute waiter. Normally when I see a cute guy, I take a look, I note it mentally, and I move on. But this guy was especially cute and earned a comment to Goldie. He had dark hair, a confident stance, sweet eyes, and an earring (that’s a good sign, right?). Well, it was my lucky night, because he was our waiter. He turned out to be nice and had a great smile. I definitely noticed a bit of eye contact there also (of course he could have been wondering why I was staring at him…but there was eye contact nonetheless).

About halfway through the meal, he came and filled my water glass. As he filled the glass at my right, he walked over from the left to make sure we had everything we needed. Then he pointed at his other self and said “Weird, huh?”

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, identical twins!

This was a fantastic discovery; both Goldie and I were thrilled. At this point it occurred to us that aside from the exciting concept of identical twins, there wasn’t actually anything that we would do about it. Those of you who know me, which probably includes everyone reading this right now, know that I approach situations like this by doing nothing and talking about it for months. Sad, maybe, but it makes me happy. This time, though, I took a page from L’s book (who I will be calling Mrs. Bell, in hopes that she will some day marry that great actress who plays Veronica Mars). A little over a year ago we ate at Vinnie T’s with a couple other friends and had an adorable waiter. Just as she did then, I got my credit card receipt, wrote a short note at the top, and followed it with my phone number.

Now, while I would love it if he called me (or his brother, I’m not picky), I’m not deluding myself into thinking that this will actually happen. However, in honor of this event, I am starting a counter today that will last for one week. Each time the counter goes up, it will mark another day that he is missing the best thing that could ever happen to him (Mrs. Bell, I think this is a fine example of Thinkin’ Like a Dude). After seven days, I will officially announce that his life simply will not be as happy as it could have been.

Today marks day number 1 that he is missing out (and his brother. He could easily share that phone number). Will it reach number 7? Tune in to find out.

An attempt to better myself

Today this attempt takes the form of an online tutorial on advanced topics for Microsoft Excel.  Exciting, no?  Here is the path that takes me from making a kick-ass spreadsheet to being a better human being: the online tutorial will teach me some nifty new tricks that I’ll use in a document that’ll get noticed by people more important than me.  They will then give me a promotion and raise, which will turn into another promotion and raise, until I’ve worked my way into being a multi-billionaire at which point I will donate the majority of my riches to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.  Presto Chango!  I’m a better person.

See how nice and easy that was?

UPDATE: The online tutorial was incomplete, so I gave up.  I think I’ll go get lunch and ponder how to better myself tomorrow.  Yeah, that’s best left until tomorrow.

Avoiding Commitment Since 2006

Hello future loyal readers, thank you for joining me on my blog.  I hope that you will stay with me for my many bloggish adventures to come.  “What will those entail?” you ask.  “What is the theme of this website?”  Well, I don’t know.  And as you can tell from the title, I probably won’t be choosing anything anytime soon.

But the indecision should be fun.